I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that healing after an affair is entirely easy or that everything is going to be fine. You don’t need sugarcoated words right now or promises that apparently, no one can keep. However, I would like to help you recover after an affair has turned your world upside down.
The first thing to understand is that healing after an affair is hard and grueling. Right now your emotions are at their peak and you still haven’t gathered yourself from the devastation you just went through. Your partner, whom you trust the most, has deceived you and this has made you traumatized.
Well, the good news is that the emotional affair of your significant other has ended (make sure of that). Which means that he or she wants to continue your relationship and is also willing to work things out. All the cheating and the lying is now over and should no longer matter. What you must now focus on is improving your relationship as well as trying to not let it happen again.
Always bear in mind that the affair is over. So, let go of all the anger you had with your significant other and whoever she cheated on you with. This is the key thing that you should do when trying to heal after an affair. Couples counseling is a superb idea and
The unfaithful partner must be prepared to face heartache that their actions have wrought, most time they feel overwhelmed with guilt, seeing the affair as an irreparable damage and ignorantly urge their partners to put the pain behind them rather than take the time to grieve. It is very important that the unfaithful party bear witness to the pain they have inflicted rather than defend or deflect the impact as this has proven to be vital in the act of rebuilding trust.
The wronged party should be given the opportunity to express his/her anger while the adulterer listens openly and understandingly. As far is cheating is concerned, verbal reassurances mean nothing as you have to prove that you’ve actually heard and understood all your partner stated and felt and on the deepest level possible. Then you take daily actions to prove that you’ll never do so again.
Boundaries and Transparency
Those daily actions are simple little assurances that’ll gradually rebuild trust and as the adulterer, you must do well to be committed to it. The first of these is to establish solid, non-negotiable rules right at the beginning of the healing process.
This could range from anything the wronged person feels like will clear the air to things he or she suspects could build the trust. For example, requesting that their spouse always answer the phone, even when it’s uncomfortable for them to have a conversation. And if it was based on an online relationship, the wronged party can demand that whenever their partner is on the computer, they can come up to see what they’re doing. Although these measures sound a bit to the extreme, it’s a sure way to ease the insecurity and mistrust as well as proving the offender’s willingness to concede certain rights to privacy while their significant other regains confidence in the relationship.
Of course, the process gradually fades off and yes, there are people who will cheat again and again. But there are others who cheat once and never, ever do it again. They learn their lesson.
In cases where the cheating party is not willing to listen to their partner talk about the pain they’ve caused, then it’s probably not worth the effort of rebuilding trust.
Indeed, many couples have emerged from an affair feeling even more honest and closer to their spouse than before. But you must bear in mind that rebounding from an affair takes time. It is a roller-coaster and takes approximately one to two years, depending on how early they opt for couples counseling. Although there are lots of ups and downs, if you do push through, you can emerge with a stronger, better union and of course faster with the help of a good marriage therapy expert.
